Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Who Jesus has been to me since loosing mom

Today, I'd like to speak from my heart.  Tomorrow is the one year mark of my mom's death.  It left me completely parentless.  Jesus has been my Father. 

After mom died I felt like somebody had droppped me off at the door of an orphanage with a big sign that said, DEAL WITH IT.  Angry, sad, numb, and alone I began to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and carry on with life.    I'd pray this prayer every day for about six weeks:  "Dear God, get me though this day.  That's it today God, Amen." 

I got angry with God.  I even asked, "God are you really there?  Why would you leave me like this with no parents?"  He lovingly let me vent and get it all out.  He carried me and loved me unconditionally through those tough days.  I'd sit in my pew and put on my church face and give the canned answers that everybody gives when they walk into church.  "Everything is fine."  Yeah right, it wasn't fine and I was heartbroken.

One day at church we had a visiting comedian who finished the service with a song called "The Family of God."  I'd sang it growing up and never paid much attention to the words UNTIL this particular Sunday. 

"From the door of an orphanage to the house of the King,
No longer an outcast, a new song I sing.

From rags until riches from the weak to the strong,
I'm not worthy to be here, but praise God I belong.

I'm so glad I'm a part of the family of God,
I've been washed in the fountain, cleansed by His blood.
Joint heirs with Jesus as we travel this sod,
For I'm part of the family, the family of God.

I was a mess.  I cried all the way home.  God sweetly and gently reminded me that I was a part of His family and had been since age 9.  I'm His baby girl and He has carried me through these tough days.  He's reminded me that I'm His baby girl and that one day I'll be Home with Him. 

Later on in 2012 He gave me one last reminder through His Word.  John 14:18:  "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you."  That was enough for me.

Jesus, He's been my Father.  He's more than enough even on days when I miss mom the most!

A tearful,

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